A Conversation With Playwright/Actress Lisa Robins, "Committed?", Rogue Machine at the Matrix Theatre, by James Scarborough

Lisa Robins’ solo performance “Committed?” explores the complex territory of grief and survival in the wake of her brother’s suicide. This world premiere at Rogue Machine Theatre offers a raw, introspective journey through the aftermath of tragedy. Robins’ script, born from a deeply personal experience, navigates the delicate balance between humor and heartbreak. Her approach to this sensitive subject matter is both daring and necessary, challenging us to confront the often-taboo topic of suicide with unflinching honesty.

Director Mitch Levine’s guidance shapes Robins’ narrative into a cohesive, emotionally resonant piece. The production’s minimalist staging emphasizes Robins’ performance, allowing her words and presence to carry the weight of the story. This artistic choice mirrors the stripped-down, essence-focused nature of grief itself.

“Committed?” poses provocative questions about life, death, and the human spirit’s resilience. Robins’ exploration of her “Ritual for Robbie” serves as both a personal catharsis and a universal touchpoint for anyone grappling with loss. The play’s structure, weaving between past and present, memory and reflection, creates a tapestry of experience that invites our introspection.

This production exemplifies Rogue Machine’s commitment to showcasing challenging, contemporary works. “Committed?” promises to be a poignant addition to the discourse on mental health and the ripple effects of suicide on surviving loved ones.

JS: Your play tackles the deeply personal subject of your brother’s suicide. How did you balance the challenges of transforming this experience into a performance piece?

LR: Ultimately, the need to share the story, to speak out, outweighed my fear. I had to heal first. Raise my kid. Focus (the pandemic helped), commit to how I was going to tell the story. The support of my loved ones (my kid), my surviving brother and his wife, friends, my theatrical community, all supported me through my fears and insecurities concerning the validity of the project. Finally, Mitch Levine (director) and Elina de Santos (producer) and I had a series of thoughtful, fun script sessions (along with fine wine and food!) clarifying, honing. Although we’ve opened, it’s still an ongoing process. I love this quote from Jung, “When our wounds cease to be a source of shame and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers.” That’s my goal.

JS: The title “Committed?” carries multiple meanings. Can you elaborate on its significance and how it reflects the themes of the play?

LR: COMMITTED is such a loaded word for me. I love the way it means:

A passion/devotion towards something; Being locked up in a psych ward; A description of the act of suicide (which is now taboo - since it infers-); A crime. At our last post show discussion, we touched on suicide being a “shanda” a disgrace - I don’t

personally feel that way but many different religions treat death by suicide as a disgrace; A choice - to decide. It’s in my nature to consider all sides of everything. The root of the word decide is “cide” means to kill. To decide requires “killing the other choice,” not so easy! Finally, the question mark added irony, and it opened up all the meanings that I wanted to explore.

JS: You mention debating “countless different ways to tell the tale.” How did you decide on the structure and tone for “Committed?”

LR: The tone (super honest and darkly humorous) and structure (3 timelines interwoven) have been clear from the start. But, how to make them work? That’s what took me over 30 years to figure out! The artist’s “torture” is the distance between idea and execution. I played with many options for its framework, and listened to a lot of feedback but in the end, I felt that straightforward simplicity would serve the story best,

while keeping many ideas that have stuck with me since the beginning. It’s been so gratifying to see my instincts realized!

JS: How has your background in developing other playwrights’ work influenced your approach to crafting your own solo performance?

LR: My many years of doing others’ original material has helped me immeasurably. The process of honing a script is so elegant, and so damn hard! I know the value of cutting anything that can be acted instead of spoken. Playwright’s willingness to “kill their babies” in service of the play inspired me. But, sometimes playwrights I’ve worked with cut material which I loved— that was the challenge in choosing what to keep and what to cut for my own work. There’s a fine line between honing and cutting personal quirks, etc. Ultimately, when the story emerged with my specific voice it began to feel ready to share. The most important thing that I have learned from working on so much original material is the need for the writer to stay true to the seed of their work and true to what made them want to write it from the start.

JS: Discuss the role of humor in “Committed?”. How you balance it with the gravity of the subject matter?

LR: I knew if the humor didn’t emerge, my story would just be dour. If I give the audience permission to laugh from the start, it would be a far more enjoyable ride! My whole family shares a very dark sense of humor, so I figured if they’re not offended then I could go to town! At the same time, I was extremely concerned about the possibility of triggering or being insensitive to other survivors. The question mark after COMMITTED came from a Zoom support group for suicide survivors I attended recently, where I took a poll about whether survivors would be offended by the content and the title. One survivor was extremely sensitive to the usage of the phrase “committed suicide” and therefore “COMMITTED” was offensive. But adding a ? opened up a whole new world. For me, the best comedy comes from character and recognition. Make ‘em laugh, make ‘em cry - that’s my goal!

JS: How has working with director Mitch Levine shaped the development and presentation of “Committed?”

LR: I chose Mitch because I felt he would support me in fleshing out my instincts for the material while giving an honest, insightful third eye. We spent many hours discussing choices and clarifying the story. Mitch and I share a great love of theatre, and the role of dance and movement in bringing stories to life. Although we are very sympatico, Mitch and I sometimes have slightly different sensibilities. So, the balance was greatly

appreciated. Perhaps most importantly, Mitch has a heart a mile wide! He’s shared his time, wisdom and compassion. Then adding, our producer, Elina de Santos to the mix proved to be a wonderful combination.

JS: The play is described as a “tragicomic journey.” How do you want this approach to impact the audience’s engagement with the difficult themes you’re exploring?

LR: I dare my audience to take the ride. I love life… I love to dance and party and have fun! But if we don’t acknowledge the dark, it becomes the “elephant in the room”. It’s always there, and we’re all having to deal with it on our own. Death/Life - 2 sides of the same coin. By exploring my brother’s “choice” and its repercussions, I hope to illuminate the question “why live?” What’s my purpose? This is my very specific story of how I dealt with the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. And how I try to find meaning in my life. Everyone has their own story. How we deal with challenges defines our character. We might encounter difficulties but we can still laugh … and the irony of much of what happened is so wild.

JS: You’ve described the play as a “Ritual for Robbie.” Can you elaborate on what this means and how it manifests in the performance?

LR: Theatre is the only ritual I truly believe in. I grew up in a family with no ritual. No religious observance whatsoever. We had no funeral, memorial service, nothing. I’m fascinated by the concept of ritual in grieving, and conversely in life. I’ve realized that

without labeling it, I do many little rituals which ground me—sunset walks…etc. I now even practice with a congregation for community, a sense of tradition, and social action.

But theatre, the power of being with a group of people who allow themselves to go on a journey together…the freedom to express their feelings in the dark, the conversations we have after the show, that’s the value of ritual. That’s spiritual.

JS: How has your experience as an actor informed your writing process for “Committed?”

LR: As an actor, I can feel when material is overwritten and when it sings. The challenge is to ultimately approach the material I’ve written as an actor, and find the immediacy. And now, as I play with the audience, it informs the writing. I’ll never stop rewriting…somebody stop me!

JS: The play touches on themes of purpose and recovery. How do you hope “Committed?” might contribute to broader conversations about mental health and suicide prevention?

LR: Mental health and suicide are some of the biggest challenges we face as a society, as a world. I hope that COMMITTED? will help to bring the conversation out of the closet. Suicide can carry a sense of shame for the loved one’s survivors. I like to say things that often go unsaid. By sharing my own story - what I did right and what I wish I had done - I hope to open the door to the conversation. Our post show talkbacks have been rich, honest, and inspiring. On a broader level, I have ideas for mental health treatment. I’ve seen our current treatment facilities, and although those who are working in them are often dedicated and kind, I believe we can do better. Much better. I hope

to have a platform from which to communicate and help facilitate change.

Performances are Friday, November 1 at 8pm, Sunday, November 3 at 3pm, Friday, November 8 at 8pm, Saturday, November 9 at 2pm. Tickets are $45 (Students $25 / Seniors $35). The Matrix Theatre is located at 7657 Melrose Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90046. For more information, click here or call 855–585–5185.